TKW Consulting

Tantrum Trials

Imagine you and your child are spending an enjoyable afternoon together when you decide to stop at the grocery store for a few things. At the store, it happens: your child has the mother of all breakdowns. Other shoppers stop to witness your child's artistic display of emotions and you feel like crawling into a cooler to avoid their stares. Why is this happening? Why me? Why now?

Childhood tantrums are not uncommon, especially in young children. These tantrums happen for a variety of reasons, some of which include:

• Over-stimulation to a situation or environment
• Exhaustion or fatigue
• Expression of frustration or anger
• An act of trying to get his/her way

No matter how shocked, embarrassed, or even angry these “shows” make you, remember that this may be your child's only way of communicating with you at that particular time. Think about the above-mentioned triggers and what might be setting your child off. When your child is having a tantrum, as hard as it might be, don't join in. The more upset you get, the more upset your child is likely to get. Stand your ground, be firm, and remain calm.

Here are a few other tips for stopping a tantrum from the editors of Parents magazine, with Marge Kennedy, in their book The Parents Book of Lists: From Birth to Age Three :

• Practice prevention. Making sure your child is well-rested and not unduly stressed can prevent many tantrums.
• Distract him. Before a tantrum reaches full throttle, your child may be responsive to a change in scenery or another distraction.
• Help undo frustration. If your toddler is frustrated, for instance, because he can't put on his shoes, help him master that art so that he can feel a sense of accomplishment instead. In cases of safety, acknowledge your child's desire, for example, to climb a ladder, but restate your rule firmly: "I know you want to climb up high, but that's not allowed." Offer an alternative, if possible: "Later we can go to the park and you can climb the slide ladder."
• Don't give in to demands. Public tantrums cause some parents to give in simply to reduce embarrassment, but this response will only serve to ensure that your child will repeat the tantrum the next time you're out. Ignore what others may say or think in such cases, and focus on your child. As calmly as possible, state your rule and get on with business: "You will not get what you want by crying and kicking. When you calm down, we can talk about it."
• Discuss the tantrum. After your child has calmed down, talk about what made him so upset. Don't dwell on the outburst, however. Instead, assure him of your love with a warm hug, and join him in a pleasant activity.
• Don't take your child's behavior personally. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty or out of control because your child has had a momentary breakdown. Though having your child shout "I hate you" can be hurtful, it's important to keep in mind that your child's actions are not so much directed at you as they are simply a show of his own frustrations.

For more of these tips and additional resources regarding working through temper tantrums and your child:

How to Stop a Tantrum Fast
AskDrSears.com
American Academy of Pediatrics